Kristen The Yellow Lab and I are being drawn into the light!! We're powerless to resist the brilliance that emanates from our television screen. After all, it is the blinding illumination of the mega-watt talent of the contestants of Season 9 of American Idol!!
Oh, wait. It's just Ryan's teeth. Never mind.
The first two sent home were Toddrick and Katelynn, to which Kristen says:
Toddrick never found his bearings. He spent far too much time attempting to establish himself as an arranger rather than simply showing off his pipes. Sad that his sing-out was so impressive that, had he sung like that for the past three weeks, he might have been a contender.
Katelynn wasn't going to win, and her anemic version of Carol Kings' "I Feel the Earth Move" proved that she could never be more than an also-ran. Still, she should have outlasted at least two other female performers. (Not that Kristen's looking at you, Lacey and Paige.) Nevertheless, no great loss. The also-rans are interchangeable, so the order of exit rarely matters...
Unless you're Alex and Lilly. America? Kristen and I forgave you for sending a sobbing Allison home far too soon last season. We even came to turns with Adam Lambert's second place finish. But, sending Alex home prior to Andrew, Tim, or Aaron? Thanks for depriving Kristen and myself of watching a contestant bloom and come into his own on the show. Kill joys!! Look what you've done:
Also, we're not sure how you all fared in math in high school, but where we come from, Lilly > Paige + Lacey + Katie. And she knows it:
Kristen says, "Talk to the tail, America! Talk to the tail!"
Also? You broke Crystal's heart by booting off her friends:
Kristen and I don't want to see Crystal in such distress ever again this season. Understood? If she's this upset watching her friends leave, imagine the water works when she, herself is voted off. Crystal is diabetic and can't afford the loss of fluids. Keep that on your conscience when it's time to cast your votes, America. Not that we want to guilt you into voting for Crystal.
Enough moping. Time to move on and get to know your Top 12. These are listed in no particular order. Actually, that's a lie. They're listed in the exact order in which Kristen and I would like to see them voted off. Get on it, America.
Next week, the above-mentioned youngsters sing the songs of these old coots:
Thanks for reading! And hit us up again on these days:
KRISTEN'S KALENDAR KWICKIES:
Monday 3/15 - MONDAY'S MUSIC MUSINGS: Kristen picks the Rolling Stones songs that the kids should and should NOT sing on Tuesday night.
Tuesday 3/16 - TUESDAY'S TIME MACHINE: Kristen fills you in on what the Idols of seasons past are up to. This week: Season 8.
Wednesday 3/17 - WEDNESDAY'S WHAT THE BARK? Find out what happened on the performance show.
Thursday 3/18 - THURSDAY'S THRILLER: What did you do, America? What. Did. You. Do? See who got sent home, and why.
Saturday 3/20 - KRISTEN'S KARTOON KAPERS: The Bromance returns as the cast of Season 8 has unfinished business before crowning the new, new Bromance. (Or will it be a Homance? Wait and see.)
And don't forget to check out the recaps of my partners in crime, Murghi and Shnugs, over at http://www.boredmorons.com/