AMERICAN IDOL 14: TOP 11

AKA: IT'S MY PARTY, AND I'LL HOWL IF I WANT TO

Party like a pup star!

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I have the cops on speed dial. After all, what better way to celebrate "Party Week" on American Idol than to make sure the underaged, over-intoxicated, and obnoxiously loud get their just rewards? Every party has a pooper, and that's why they invited us! I even brought my portable scooper. Fortunately, it doesn't appear that things will get too out of hand.  These kids are more:

than:

Ryan takes center stage, and we see that the audience members in the front row are holding balloons. I don't know about you all, but the last time Kristen and I attended a party where there were balloons, the guest of honor was wearing diapers. But, enough about my mother's nursing home...

On with the festivities:


First to get called to sing is Rayvon.  "Burn" by Ellie Goulding is not necessarily a great choice for him. His vocal is NOT on point, which is unusual for Rayvon. Is it the curse of going first?

 Maddie's next! She chose "She's Country" by Jason Aldean. She gives a solid performance, if slightly lacking in energy. There's a reason for that. After it's over, Ryan lets us know she has been ill and is being taken off stage so the Idol medics can check her out.

"Open wide and say, 'Kelly Clarkson!'"

Joey made it! She gives her blue hair a tug, then gives us a cool, slinky version of Iggy Azalea's "Fancy." She says her version is that of Post modern Jukebox. It doesn't matter as she still makes it her own Mae West meets Lady Gaga flair. The affectations and theatrics are less pronounced as she becomes her own person. This means she's taking good notes from her mentor, and it's a sign of someone who can grow in the competition.

Up next is the winner of American Idol 14. Clark. Of note: Kristen and I do not care for him. However, short of someone posting a video of him kicking a puppy, he's got this in the bag. It's not that he won't deserve the crown when he gets it. He has the best voice in the competition. But...DANG, people! He makes Lee Dewyze seem positively ground-breaking. At least Lee brought out the bagpipes for Hey Jude. Clark picks a very safe (as usual) Dooby Brother's classic, "Takin' It To the Streets." As usual, his vocals are clean and his tone is sublime, and blah-blah-blah.

"As your party coordinator, I'm requesting that all bland, straight, white males from the south who play guitar come to the front for a slice of Winner's Cake. All others? Thank you for showing up."

It's a good day for Kristen and me when Jax and her pretentious facial tattoo make it through. We think that she is the one contestant who has a shot at pop stardom. Unfortunately, this week, she actually listened to the no-nothing judges and chose to sing "Blank Space" by Taylor Swift straight. There was not a single moment of Jaxercising to be had. Ouch. This is bad.

Ain't no party like a Qaasim party! Except when he inexplicably selects Paul Mccartney and Wing's "Jet" for his party song choice. For some reason, he decided to just stand there and sing without his usual high-energy performance. He must never, ever do that again because it displayed not only his vocal weaknesses but the fact that he might not actually be able to sing...at all! Secondly, why Professor Harry felt the need to throw him a pop quiz by asking if he knew the meaning of the term "suffragette" in the song is beyond us. Dude.

"Harry! It meant NOTHING. It was just a word that rhymed. Relax, brother."

Kristen and are happy that Adanna made it! Particularly since she gives us a high-energy performance of "Runaway Baby" by Bruno Mars. Brilliant! Exciting, great showmanship. She is in it to win it.

Our happy little lab-like girl, Tyanna, is the 8th contestant to be called! She performs Tightrope by Janelle Monae. It is vocal perfection topped with youthful energy! Tyanna takes the  -

Uh-oh. Daniel made it. This means either Quentin, Nick or Sarina are going home before he does.

He sings "Happy" by Pharrell, but Kristen and I are not.

We are extremely relieved that  Quentin made the top 11. He does a dark, slow version of Adele's  "Rolling in the Deep."  Vocally, it is not the best. But, his styling and performance skills make him a talent to watch.

And the last person to make it through to Top 11 is......NICK.  Noooooo!!! This means Sarina-Joi is going home just because of one bad performance. *sigh* Nick performs "Wake Me Up" by Avicci. Didn't work.

The lovely Sarina takes the stage to sing for the save, which everyone knows won't be offered this early in the competition. It wouldn't matter anyway because her performance of Demi Lovato's "Neon Lights" is unappealing, with the same shriek issues she had last night. Even if the judges wanted to save Sarina, they couldn't justify if after that. As good as she was in the early rounds, Sarina could not handle the big stage. Goodbye and best of luck, Sarina!

Our rankings:
Best of the night: Clark, Joey, Quentin, and Tyanna
Good enough: Nick, Maddie, Rayvon
Bottom of the pack: Jax, Daniel, Qaasim
Should go home: Daniel
Will go home: Rayvon

And, Ladies and Gents, here is your top 11 (minus the very ill Maddie.)

 Next week, 10 of them will be called to sing songs from the movies. Keep your popcorn handy!

Live long and lab like!