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May 6, 2013



Kristen the Yellow Lab and I  are practicing our licks and riffs on our axes (that's slang for guitar for you airheads of the "doodle" breed out there.) After all, what better way to celebrate Rock N Roll week on American Idol? (Unless it's with more cow bell!)

Oh, look! It's Tom Cruise reenacting his  Old Time Rock N Roll scene from Risky Business!!! Never mind. That's just Ryan.

He's here to tell us that the Top 7 will be performing the songs of the rock n roll genre with NO BALLADS ALLOWED.  He also informs us the musical guest will be Michael Jackson's guitarist and solo artist in her own right, Orianthi!

The judges are ready to Rock and roll all night and party every day!!!

So, without further ado, for those about to rock:

First of the night is the darling Burnell. He has decided to perform You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi. Unfortunately, "rock and roll" and "darling" are mutually exclusive. Although it is fine vocally, Burnell's attempts to be bad ass are causing Kristen to snicker. In fact, Keith actually lets out a  laugh before telling Burney it just  wasn't in his wheelhouse. It's not that Kristen thinks Burnell gave rock a bad name, but instead of this:
He was more like this:

Angie and Laz  perform a cheesy, schmaltzy version of  Queen's Crazy Little Thing Called Love and all we can say about that is this: .

Kree has chosen a song that is most definitely in her wheelhouse, Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin. Unfortunately, she is not bringing any passion to the performance, though her vocals are spot-on, as usual. Nicki loved it and would give Kree all 50 of her votes! (Someone please tell Nicki voting is unlimited.) A little piece of Kristen's heart is being broken weekly by Kree who was an early favorite but seems to be lacking as the weeks wear on. Jack Black from School of Rock agrees.

Candice and Burnell do The Letter by the Box Tops with Candice blowing the roof off the joint, easily displaying her superior vocal skills over the weaker Burnell. In other words, it was very much this:

Janelle has decided on  Billy Joel's You May Be Right. It's cute, upbeat, and yet countrified, like our little marshmallow. Nicki likes her performance so much she steals her boots.
Kristen thinks she may have been right to choose that song and sing it with such spunk! Jack Black agrees!

Laz does Queen's We Are the Champions. He is obviously nervous, and this is not a great performance. Of course, he is being graded on a curve, what with his "courage" and all, so because  the judges didn't find it utterly intolerable, they are complimentary. Kristen thinks he's a champion of emotional manipulation.  Nigel from Spinal Tap wonders if we can't get rid of him and just say:

Amber, Janelle and Kree perform Still Rock N Roll to Me by Billy Joel. For me, for you? It's just all right, dawg.

Candice is doing I can't Get No Satisfaction by the Stones. It's not one of her best as it is actually a boring song choice for someone with Candice's ability. Kristen is definitely not satisfied with this performance, but as Mick Jagger says,

Amber  has selected What About Love by Heart. Again, she is vocally pure. She is definitely coming from behind to possibly unseat a few of the big guns. However, she needs to quit playing it so safe and so old-fashioned. Kristen says, "What about loving acting like a teenager rather than a 40 year old?" Jack Black agrees:

Angie sings Bring Me To Life by Evancense, complete with a wind machine for hair-tastic effects. This is a good song choice for a girl who loves to add a little drama to her music. She's back in the contest after last week's near disaster! Kristen understands that it is the dramatic songs that Bring Angie to life. And this performance is perfect for her as it is all very:

Here's the run down:

The kids sing the Glee version of Somebody to Love. Not to be confused with the Kidz Bop version, though it could be.

Grumpy Iovine claims they all picked the wrong song!
"They all sucked!"

After that, Casey James is cute.

Then we learn The Top 3 is Angie, Kree and.....LAZARO?????? WHO is voting for him??

Next, Carrie Underwood sings on Idol yet again and looks lovely in peach.

Burnell and Janelle are bottom 2, but he is not saved.
Amber hates all of America, and Laz is realizing his pants are uncomfortably tight.

Next: these kids sing the songs of Burt Bacharach and Hal David. Kristen and I will most definitely say a little prayer for them.

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