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April 17, 2013



Kristen the Yellow Lab and I think we're gonna be sad. We think it's today. After all, how else are we supposed to feel about American Idol rehashing yet another theme? The songs of Lennon and McCartney, first used in Season 7 (twice,) have become an Idol staple. With a catalog as large as the current US debt, Lennon/McCartney night should always surprise, and should provide a song for Idols who sing in any genre. Instead, we get the same-old, same-old season after season with none of it sung particularly well. Will this year be different? We shall see. At any rate, Idols, Kristen begs of you, "Please please me!" 

Oh look! It's Lennon's paramour, Yoko Ono, arriving to break up the Idol judges.
 Oh wait! That's just Ryan. He fills us in on the theme and then introduces Idol's very own fab four!

He tells us THIS is American Idol:
Time to meet the Top 9! They all look quite mod and Liverpoolish!

Up first is the lovely Kree Harrison.  She is performing A Little Help From My Friends. It's a nice, simple performance where she honors the melody rather than over-dramatizing the build-up. Keith says, "Kray!"  Nicki calls her musical stylings Kreedom, not to be confused with Kreelicious. Randy says Yo!  Mariah tries to pull a Simon by saying she didn't think it was good..... she thought it was fantastic. Guess you had to be there, Mariah. Kristen thinks Kree is an incredible vocalist with a charisma problem. 
Kristen gives her 3.5 I Saw Her Standing Theres because, despite singing her face off, she barely moves on stage.

Here comes Burnell Taylor singing the obscure Beatles tune Let It Be. At least, its obscure to Burnell. He NEVER HEARD OF THE SONG BEFORE, PEOPLE! What is with these 19 year olds not listening to music from their grandparent's generation? 

He does a quiet, churchy, prayerful version.. Nicki says he treated it like a little baby. Randy liked that he made it his own. Mariah likes his consistency and Keith says, "Binell!" Kristen agrees that this kid has the right tone for a recording career. However, his phrasing is stilted and robotic. 
Kristen gives him 2.5 Polythene Pam's for a solid vocal but plastic phrasing.
The lovely  Amber has chosen She's Leaving Home. (Finally... a song no one else has ever done on the show!) She does a slow, cool version that has a current vibe. Kristen and I would iPod this! Randy thought it started slow. Mariah had never heard of the song. Keith says "Ambah!" and liked that she made it contemporary. Nicki shouts about how even if she doesn't get to pick a song, she needs to bring that little twinkle of the eye. Kristen and I are in total disagreement. The song is heart-rending and the performance played to that. 
Kristen gives her 3.75 I Met a Girls because we think that THIS Amber could be a contender for the finale.

Onto Lazaro who is dressed like a Yellow Submarine. He is performing In My Life. OMG.

 Kristen says, "In all my life, I've never heard anything this horrific." It will go down as one of the worst Idol performances in the history of the show. He is behind the beat, under the pitch, and all while making creepy googly eyes at us.. Mariah appreciates his courage! Keith thinks he picked the wrong key. Nicki blames Jimmy Iovine for undermining Laz's confidence. Randy is the voice of reason. It was the worst Idol performance ever, pitchy, and uninspired. This reduces Laz to tears. He then claims he only learned the song the night before despite the video package of him working on the studio recording with Jimmy on Saturday.  
Kristen gives him one Hello Goodbye because we should be saying goodbye to him tomorrow.
Now we have Queen Candice. She has opted for  the rocker, Come Together. She gives it a rock-blues feel, and works the stage with finesse. Like Kree, she is flawless. Unfortunately, like Kree, she performs with such ease that it looks as if there is no difficulty level to remembering the complex words, hitting the correct notes, all the way connecting with the audience. Keith is a fan of rock chick Caahndice!. Nicki wants her to put more emotion into her face and give us some crazy faces that she might choose to emulate. (No!)  Randy's not interested in crazy faces as Candice voice is CRAZY good. Mariah wants her to take it to church. (No, Mariah. NO!) Once again, Randy is the only judge to agree with Kristen. She feels Candice did a brilliant job of giving it a different vibe without doing crazy wild vocals. 

Kristen gives her 4.0 All My Lovings, because that's what she is getting from  us!

Paul Jolley is singing the not so jolly  Eleanor Rigby: It is just about as hotel/lounge/cruise ship as one can get without the 2 drink minimum. Nicki tells him it was bland and forgettable. Randy and Mariah agree that he simply does not connect to the lyric. Keith didn't like the ending or a few places in the middle. And probably also the beginning. Kristen has already forgotten it.
Kristen gives him 1.5 Golden Slumbers for putting us in a coma.

Our Lady of Hair and Teeth, Angie, has selected the iconic Yesterday. And it's quite... DRAMATIC! 
Geez. Take it down a notch, Angie. You're not on Glee! Randy says it was stellar, and Mariah calls it "respectful." Keith found that she was in her head a bit too much, overthinking. Nicki thought it was one of the best performances ever.Kristen found it technically fine, but Angie needs to learn to dial back the theatrics for  the TV audience. 
Kristen gives her 3.0 Act Naturallys to inspire her to cut the dramatics.

Here comes Devin singing  The Long and Winding Road. Devin, much like the other contestants this season, has a pitch perfect voice that contains little to no emotion. He could do well as a sessions singer, but he is simply not star material. Mariah is rendered speechless by his performance. Keith didn't think he connected to the song. Nicki scorns Keith and proclaims Devin the king of emotionality. Randy likes his restraint. Kristen thinks we are witnessing a season where the voices are pretty, but vapid. 
Kristen gives him 2.5 Becauses because...well, he isn't long for this show to be honest.

Onto the lab-like, Janelle. The one contesting bursting with personality has elected to perform the Emmy Lou Harris version  of I Will.  It is lovely, restrained,and topped with just the right amount of personality.  Keith says it was pure and true. Nicki wants to renew her vows with her. Randy calls it best of the night. Mariah tosses off a few dahlings. Kristen thinks it most definitely was the best performance on a relatively unremarkable night. Most importantly, it was Janelle's best performance to date as she remained in key. 
Kristen gives her 3.0 Don't Let Me Downs because she can, if she continues to improve, be a contender.

Results Night! Serious stuff, folks!

We get not one, but two group sings! First up is the boys doing a disjointed, amateurish version of Got To Get You Into My Life.

 This is followed by the girls performing a lovely, solo-driven Here, There and Everywhere. If any of these boys outlasts even one girl, it will be a travesty, says Kristen.
Musical guest of the night Casey Abrams? He does a jazzy, crazy, scatty version of I Saw Her Standing There. Kristen's quite knowledgeable about scat, as she uses it to track down and chase various racoons and squirrels off our lawn. She'd chase Casey off the stage given the opportunity.
Next we get last season's second place finisher, Jessica, performing her new pop song with NeYo while only semi-dressed..

Dim the lights!

Lazaro is safe!!
It's Paul, Devin, and Amber in the bottom 3. But, really, it's Paul who ends up singing for his supper with a dreary, pitchy version of Alone.

 Goodbye, Paul, say the judges without much fanfare. After all, they have more important things to do than to offer a bit of sincere consolation to a kid whose dreams were just shattered all over the Idol stage.

Next up: These kids perform The Songs of Detroit: 

Oh really??

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