AKA: THRILLER? NOPE
Kristen the Yellow Lab and I pity the fool! After all, what better way to celebrate 80's Week on American Idol than to remember the iconic people, phrases, and events? It was a totally tubular time. A time when women wore shoulder pads that made them look like anorexic linebackers, yet all we really wanted was our MTV. A time when nobody put Baby in a corner, except Bill Cosby after he doped her up with Rohypnol. It was the decade of Reaganomics, The Rust Belt, and Mr. Gorbachev finally tearing down that wall. As for music? Talk about bangin'!The Jacksons, both Michael and Janet, Madonna, Prince, Springsteen, The Police. And, as we all know, any time was Hammer Time!
Ryan takes the stage, as is his prerogative.
|"Oh Mickey, you're so fine..."|
He informs us that this week's mentor will be Boy George, who "defined the decade." Hmm. As much as Kristen and I loved "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" and "Karma Chameleon," we think the decade was actually defined by Wall Street greed, the status-seeking Yuppy, and the Bowflex.
|Talk about definition!|
The first to know he's not going home this week is the adorably tone-deaf youngster, Daniel Seavey. At the age of 15, his only connection to the 80's is that's probably the decade in which his PARENTS were toddlers. *sigh* He performs Hall and Oates "You Make My Dreams Come True," and it is a nightmare. The poor boy is so out of his element, yet the tweens their helicopter-parenting mothers keep voting him through week after week. There's really nothing to be done, people. This kid could go all the way.
The next one called to safety is Quentin! Kristen and I love the way he takes every song he sings and turns it into something from the soundtrack of 50 Shades of Grey. This week, he does exactly that to Phil Collin's "In the Air Tonight." His slow, sexy vocals compliment the song choice perfectly. Quentin reminds of us someone. Who could it be? Could it be.......
Joey is safe!! She is all My Little Pony meets Strawberry Shortcake as she performs Cindy Lauper's "Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun." Except, she is not having any fun at all. Nor are we as we watch her stumble her way through this performance. Post Script: It turns out that one of Joey's dearest friends, Emily Selke, was killed in the German Airlines plane crash days before.
He does a commendable, Daughtry-Lite performance of Michael Jackson's "Man In the Mirror." And that's exactly the thing about Nick. He is never bad. Just not particularly interesting or entertaining.
Naturally, Clark made it through. He gives us a slightly altered version of The Police's "Every Breath You Take." Of note: A few years ago, Alex Preston performed a lovely version of this same song and was highly criticized on various boards for not really understanding that the song is about a stalker. This season, Clark performs the same song in a similar manner, and it's magnificent! Looks don't matter? Hmmm...
I give you exhibit A: Alex Preston
Exhibit B: Clark
Next to make it through: Qaasim!! So, instead of taking advantage of this opportunity to right the wrong that put him in the bottom, he is repeating it! He wants to prove he can sing rather than just perform. This would be a great idea if he actually could sing. He gives us a weak performance of Robert Palmer's "Addicted To Love." (WHO chose this kid's songs the past few weeks?) It is, much like his performance of "Jet," a disaster
The final person to make the Top 9 is Rayvon! He gives us an unspectacular version of "Everybody Wants To Rule the World" from "Tears For Fears." Vocally, it is one of his worst, and emotionally it is vacant. Still, he deserved to move into the top 9 far more than the two going home.
And with that, we learn that country crooner Maddie and theatrical Adanna are headed home. Hopefully, the screen door didn't hit them in the ass on the way out. There was not final sing-out, no tearful goodbye, no farewell video. Nope. Just a quick shot of the two of them sitting in the chairs of doom. Apparently, the theme this season is that no one cares when someone leaves. Tragic.
So, next week, this crew:
sings the songs of this Queen of Song: