AKA: BABY WE'RE AMAZED AT THE PLETHORA OF PASSION
SING THEIR IDOLS
Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are looking through our well-preserved scrap books, gazing at the cover photos progressing from Tiger Beat to Rolling Stone, from Dog World to Modern Dog. After all, what better way to spend an afternoon during "Personal Idols Week" on American Idol than reminiscing over our own fan girl days? I remark that Donny Osmond is still the same wholesome, good-looking fellow he was back in the days of my puppy love. And how about that David Cassidy? John Travolta? Eddie Van Halen? Bruce Springsteen? Fortunately, Kristen and I no longer engage in silly crushes and adoration of the stars. We're beyond it. Right Kristen?
Ryan tells us THIS is American Idol, and Kristen and I have no choice but to believe him. The judges come out at the command of the big, scary voice from off-stage, all arm-in-arm and huddled together. Ryan congratulates JLo on the fact that the single she performed on the show last week went to number one on iTunes. (Which is not the same as having a number one single. Kristen and I just felt we should point that out.)
The Idols enter the stage, and Ryan delivers some information to the unsuspecting viewing audience. Beginning this week, the kids are working with Jimmy Iovine, producer and chairman of Interscope records. Jimmy will bring in his own stable of producers to ensure that every song the Idols sing is a hit! Except, they were already hits. That's why the Idols are singing them.
On with the show!
First up is perky little country gal, Lauren. Guess who 16-year-old Lauren calls her idol? No, not Taylor Swift. Guess again. No, not Carrie Underwood. Lauren loves Shania Twain! What a pleasant coincidence since AI has already secured the rights to her catalog. Lauren, dressed in droopy leggings and a pale blue flouncy blouse, enters the stage singing "Any Man of Mine. She starts the song off a bit breathy and seems to be moving to some pre-prescribed choreography rather than bopping around the stage. This is a big song that requires a measurable amount of oomph. Lauren doesn't bring it, tonight. Steven wanted the song to be more kick ass. JLo wants her to prove that she's working for it. Randy says he wants to see her shine beyond belief. Lauren pouts and whines, "But, I had fu-un!" Kristen and I give her 2 Tiger Beats for the fun part. (Labs like fun!)
Up next? Casey. His inspiration? Joe Cocker. Why? He heard him on The Wonder Years.
Casey begins "With a Little Help From My Friends" on the staircase, starting off with a sweet tone unrecognizable from the gruff performances he has been giving. Then, he moves into it. He feels the song, and the audience does as well. JLo tells him we go by what we feel, and she felt it. In fact, she felt up Randy's leg while he was singing. That's how much she felt it!
Randy, obviously distracted, says he is Season 10 remix. ??? Steven calls him a rainbow of talent and plethora of passion.Paula would be so proud!
Kristen and I give Casey 3.5 days of standing in line for concert tickets.
Onto Ashton, who claims Diana Ross as her personal Idol. She has chosen to perform "When You Tell Me That You Love Me" while draped in a silver sheet. It opens pitchy. It closes pitchy. It is pitchy in between. Randy says "Yo." He liked it. He felt she grew as a singer because she knew when she was going sharp and flat. (Which was pretty much the entire song, Randy.) Steven says, "There's more in there than you're showing us, and you're going to!". (We know. We didn't get it, either.) JLo says she's so confident! However, she wants her her to pick songs that are more familiar. That's actually good advise. Ashton needs to know her audience a bit better. Kristen and I give her 1.5 pleas for an autograph.
His idol is Ryan Adams with an R, not to be confused with Ryan Adams with an R. He has opted to sing, "Come Pick Me Up." Ugh. His voice is just so weak and off the pitch. Ugh. He dances.
Steven likes his voice but wants him to be careful with the pitch. JLO hopes America gets it, but she apparently does not. Randy says he gets it, but hopes America gets it. Doesn't seem too sure about that. As an added treat, Ryan attempts the Paul dance.
Kristen and I give him nothing. Did we not warn you we no likey?
JLo said he had her dancing.. Randy said it started off rough but he slayed it. Kristen and I give him 3 groupies!
Finally, we're onto Naima. She claims Rhianna is her idol.
Keith Patridge (Not the real deal)
Donny Osmond (Puppy love, but not quite good enough)
Springsteen (Almost perfect)
Prince (Always and forever!)
Going home: Ashton