American Idol 14: Top 10 Redux - Songs From The 80's

AKA: THRILLER? NOPE

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I pity the fool! After all, what better way to celebrate 80's Week on American Idol than to remember the iconic people, phrases, and events? It was a totally tubular time. A time when women wore shoulder pads that made them look like anorexic linebackers, yet all we really wanted was our MTV. A time when nobody put Baby in a corner,  except Bill Cosby after he doped her up with Rohypnol. It was the decade of Reaganomics, The Rust Belt, and Mr. Gorbachev finally tearing down that wall. As for music? Talk about bangin'!The Jacksons, both Michael and Janet, Madonna, Prince, Springsteen, The Police. And, as we all know, any time was Hammer Time!

American Idol 14 - Top 10 Movie Night

AKA: SAVE THE LAST DANCER

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are at the picture show! After all, what better way to celebrate Movie Night on American Idol than to pay $15 for a bucket of popcorn and have the medics called to defibrillate us back to life thanks to the heart-stoppingly loud sound system?  At any rate, we are ready to be dazzled with the Idol performances of great songs from the movies!

"These 3-D glasses are great. I swear I can see right through JLo's clothes. Oh wait. She is barely wearing any."

Here comes Ryan to explain that out of the eleven contestants seated, only 10 will make it through. The other will sing for the save. So, we are advised to just sit back, relax, and take a few Xanax while we wait to find out if our favorite is safely in the Top 10.

AMERICAN IDOL 14: TOP 11

AKA: IT'S MY PARTY, AND I'LL HOWL IF I WANT TO

Party like a pup star!

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I have the cops on speed dial. After all, what better way to celebrate "Party Week" on American Idol than to make sure the underaged, over-intoxicated, and obnoxiously loud get their just rewards? Every party has a pooper, and that's why they invited us! I even brought my portable scooper. Fortunately, it doesn't appear that things will get too out of hand.  These kids are more:

than:

Ryan takes center stage, and we see that the audience members in the front row are holding balloons. I don't know about you all, but the last time Kristen and I attended a party where there were balloons, the guest of honor was wearing diapers. But, enough about my mother's nursing home...

On with the festivities:

AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 14: Top 12

AKA: WHERE'S THE BEEF?

"All bun, no meat, makes Idol a dull boy."

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are getting too old for this. On top of all our other woes, we don't need American Idol becoming irregular, too!  It's enough of a challenge remembering which Jimmy is Fallon, so how can we be expected to keep up with the new-fangled schedule and voting system of America's favorite talent competition? Of course, we understand they're doing it all for the young people. After all, they have the attention span of gnats and can't be bothered with two nights of American Idol if that takes them away from their twerking or quirking or whatever indecency they're up to.  But, honestly. Combining both the performance and results show into one night? Allowing voting to go on for a week, but limiting it to "20 votes per contestant per method?" In our day, you wouldn't dare suggest such a thing!

"Kids today with their Net Flicks and Hula Hoops. They have no respect for the tradition of giving up your social life for a program you love."

THE GHOST OF KRISTEN PASSED

Best In (Talent) Show Blogging

Chew on this: American Idol is in its 14th season. It debuted in the summer of 2002, when the world was a very different place. Humans still walked with their heads held upright because smart phones had yet to be invented.  We had limited access to the affairs of people we barely knew because there was no such thing as Facebook. If we wanted to watch a movie, we actually had to get in our cars and drive to the video store.  Parents were terrified that their children were going to be abducted via AOL chatrooms, and Nickelback had the number song of the year. Despite those dark times, there was one shining light - Kristen the Yellow Lab!

Shining Light

AMERICAN IDOL 12: TOP 6 PERFORM SONGS OF BACHARACH AND DAVID

AKA: ANYONE WHO HAD A HEART WOULD NOT ALLOW THESE KIDS TO MASSACRE THESE SONGS

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are sitting outside as raindrops keep falling on our heads pondering the universal question. "What's it all about, Alfie?" After all, what better way to celebrate Bacharach and David week on American Idol? Unless it's by binge-viewing old episodes of Angie Dickinson in Police Woman.

Oh look! It's the Carpenters, Richard and Karen, come to pay tribute to the brilliant song-writing team! No wait, that's just Ryan trying to woo Kristen.

"I long to be close to you, Kristen!"

Meanwhile, the judges are trying to find the way to a town in California!

"Do you know the way, Kristen?"

AMERICAN IDOL 12: TOP 7: ROCK N ROLL

AKA: YOU CAN KILL ROCK N ROLL

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I  are practicing our licks and riffs on our axes (that's slang for guitar for you airheads of the "doodle" breed out there.) After all, what better way to celebrate Rock N Roll week on American Idol? (Unless it's with more cow bell!)

American Idol 12: Top 8 Perform Songs of the Motor City

AKA: SHOWDOWN AT THE MOTOWN

Made In Detroit

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are building new Chrysler cars!! After all, what better way to celebrate Idol's tribute to the Music of the Motor City. Unless it's by going into foreclosure.  At any rate, tonight each of the Top 8 will perform songs made famous by residents of Detroit, Michigan and, apparently, its suburbs. So, let's Wango Tango on down to 8 Mile and see if can't get some respect.

AMERICAN IDOL 12: TOP 9 SING THE SONGS OF LENNON AND MCCARTNEY

AKA: CAN'T WE JUST LET IT BE?

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I think we're gonna be sad. We think it's today. After all, how else are we supposed to feel about American Idol rehashing yet another theme? The songs of Lennon and McCartney, first used in Season 7 (twice,) have become an Idol staple. With a catalog as large as the current US debt, Lennon/McCartney night should always surprise, and should provide a song for Idols who sing in any genre. Instead, we get the same-old, same-old season after season with none of it sung particularly well. Will this year be different? We shall see. At any rate, Idols, Kristen begs of you, "Please please me!" 

AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 12: TOP 10 SING THE SONGS OF FORMER IDOL WINNERS

AKA: A Kristen Carol: 
The Ghosts of Idols Past

Kristen The Yellow Lab and I are known to keep the Idol spirit very well! After all, though it's never put a scrap of silver or gold in our pocket, it's done us good, and we say, "God bless it."  Now, to begin, Ye Olde Idol is as dead as a door nail.. We've lost Old Simon, Sweet Paula, Steven the Insane, The Duchess Jennifer, and various and sundry other mentors, judges, and musical directors. Now we've moved onto Idol Future: a fresh judging panel, higher production values, and a batch of new kids ready to sing for their Christmas goose.

BREAKING: KRISTEN THE YELLOW LAB CHOOSES NEW AMERICAN IDOL JUDGE

AKA: WHEN KRISTEN BARKS, IDOL LISTENS

Kristen The Yellow Lab and I are cracking open a brand new box of Table White, Vintage 2012.

 After all, what better way to toast the announcement that American Idol has finally selected its judging panel for the 12th season?!! Even more celebratory is the fact that the Idol head honchos took the advise of one savvy yellow lab (yes, I know that's an oxymoron) when selecting one of the members of the panel. That's clout!

IDOL COURTS COUNTRY CONNAISSEURS

AKA: WHAT THE HOLY HOG FARMER ARE THEY THINKING?

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are sorry.  After all, we're about to let our bigotry shine through in this blog post. Rumor has it that American Idol has set its sights on having a country music artist on the judging panel this season.

MARIAH CAREY TO BE NEXT IDOL JUDGE?

AKA: THE PROCUREMENT-ATION OF MIMI!

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are all abuzz. The rumor mill reports that Our Lady of Unearthly Vocal Range is this close to signing on the dotted line to be the newest judge on American Idol.  For a cool $17 million, The Divine Mrs. Cannon will get to wear a different sparkly gown each week, wave like royalty to the maniacally-cheering audience behind her, and come up with her own trademark catch phrase to repeat to the contestants. (Note to Mimi: "Goosies" belongs to JLo just as incomprehensible muttering is licensed to Paula.)

 In other words, Mariah is taking on the "Pretty, middle-aged woman who was once a multi-platinum-selling artist whose career has taken a nosedive" role.  Kristen and I feel she is a good acquisition for Idol.  Unlike JLo and Steven Tyler, she has always had a genuine interest in the show, itself, and we do not feel she is taking this gig to use as a quick-fix to get her musical career back on track In fact, it has long been rumored that Mariah's voice is shot.  Also, when she served as a mentor in Season 7, she gave quality feedback.  Most likely, Mariah will be the "kind" judge, the role played best by Paula.  But, who will join her on the judges panel?

The buzz on the street (aka Twitter and gossip rags) is that the show is considering former contestant Adam Lambert.  Kristen and I would love this, naturally.  We could see him being the bitchy judge with the strongest sense of what the audience is looking for in a contestant, the role forever immortalized by Simon Cowell.   Of course, fans of other Idols are not happy with this news. What about THEIR Idol? Why isn't THEIR Idol on the short list? So, would choosing Adam polarize those fans?

Other  names being tossed about include Fergie from Black-Eyed Peas, who we think would be the new Randy, and industry insider with a solid track-record, but not a particularly entertaining judge.  The Queen of Soul, herself, Miss Aretha Franklin, has put her own name forward saying she'd love to do the gig. Kristen and I agree she'd be brilliant, but we do not believe there's room enough on that panel for two divas (Maria and Aretha) much less three (Mariah/Aretha/Adam.)  Miley Cyrus has been mentioned as well. She would be a smart move on the part of Fox as she could draw in the younger viewers, a demographic missing for the show. And, of course, who can forget the lovable Charlie Sheen? He has also thrown his name into the ring.  Charlie would be a risky choice only because of his substance abuse issues (*cough* Paula *cough*). Otherwise, he has proven himself to be quick-witted and unafraid of controversy.  But, will he draw in or repel viewers?

At any rate, it's going to be fun speculating until the Grand Announcement is made sometime in late August. For Idols' money, Kristen and I think the best panel would consist of Mariah (diva with a long, successful career in the industry), Adam (snarky-witted, controversial, polarizing contestant who knows full well that Idol is a game show, first and foremost,) and Miley (for the youngsters.)  What do you think?

THE 6/30/12 QUEEN CONCERT IN KIEV, THE UKRAINE, FEATURING ADAM LAMBERT

AKA: QUEEN + ADAM LAMBERT MAKES THIS ROCKIN' WORLD GO ROUND!

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are indulging in pre-concert libations!  Mine is a rum and Coke, while hers is a cocktail of pond water and  algae with a toilet bowl chaser. After all, what better way to kick off the six-concert tour of the iconic rock band Queen with Adam Lambert as the frontman?  We will rock you, indeed!

The first concert takes place in the Ukraine capital city,  Kiev.  It is a fund-raising event for Elton John's charity which has joined with Elena Pinchuk's ANTIAIDS Foundation.  It is also part of the Euro 2012 soccer tournament. (Yay Spain?)

Kristen and I can feel the excitement building amongst the 250,000 people in attendance. We have to wonder how Adam feels before performing in front of this massive crowd, singing the songs of the incomparable Freddie Mercury while being judged by Queen's faithful. Kristen offers him some kindly advise before he takes the stage:

Here is the Youtube Version of the entire concert. The Vimeo version below this keeps freezing up. However, the Youtube vids have a short shelf life, so watch while you can!

Enjoy the concert in its entirety as uploaded from the professional stream by Lambosessed. 

Queenbert-Kiev from Lambosessed on Vimeo.

No time to watch the whole 2 hour concert? Then click "read more" to read our review and check out individual videos of  Don't Stop Me Now, I Want To Break Free, Fat Bottomed Girls, Somebody To Love, We Are The Champions and Bohemian Rhapsody. 

Reality Live! Live Chat During Next Food Network Star and Mad Men

Tonight at 9:00, chat will be open to discuss The Next Food Network Star (or Real Housewives of NJ which is a repeat) followed by Mad Men at 10:00.  Kristen only requests that you don't bark in capital letters. It's considered a faux paw in dogland.

KRISTEN THE YELLOW GLAMLAB REVIEWS SONGS OFF OF ADAM LAMBERT'S NEW ALBUM!

Kristen, the Yellow Glamlab, is so happy that Adam Lambert's new album, Trespassing, was released yesterday. She will review each song on the album, starting with her favorite, Kickin' In. This clubby, Pharrel-produced song is made for radio.  But, more than that, it's perfect for the squirrel-chasing and other healthy activities. She gives it 4 1/2 out of 5 peanut-filled Konga toys.

AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 11: TOP 13

AKA: THERE'S A RIBBON IN THE SKY FOR WHITNEY'S LOVE

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I want to dance with somebody!  Maybe even somebody named Sir Duke.  After all, what better to celebrate Whitney (RIP) and Stevie night on American Idol?

Here comes some cool cat looking like he's going to a Go-Go! Oh, wait. It's just Ryan.

He tell us that, this week, it will be the boys against the girls! The girls will take on the beltable ballads of the late Whitney Houston, while the boys will tackle the soulful swag of Stevie Wonder. On results night, the judges will be asked to choose between the lowest boy and lowest girl in terms of votes.  Sounds a bit more complicated than necessary but, after all, THIS is American Idol.

AMERICAN IDOL 11: ASPEN AUDITIONS

AKA: IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE 

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are shushing!! After all, what better way to celebrate American Idol 11 auditions in Aspen, Colorado?  Wait! Who is that adorable tot on the bunny hill? Oh, it's just Ryan.

He's here to tell us that we are in Aspen, the celebrity winter playground, searching for the next superstar.  For THIS is American Idol!

The judges take a powder!

Kristen and I are ready for a lift! Bring on the first contestant!

"Promise you won't knock me off, Kristen!"

AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 11: THE SAN DIEGO AUDITIONS

AKA: YOU CAN SAIL THE SEVEN SEAS!

Ship shape!

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are shipmates!! After all, what better way to celebrate the American Idol Season 11 auditions in San Diego, California?  Anchors aweigh, mateys! For THIS is American Idol!

All hands on deck! Here comes the skipper!  Oh wait, it's just Ryan. He's here to tell us that this episode is filming on the USS Midway, an impressive yet incredibly noisy audition spot.

Three hour tours given here!

The judges arrive, topside!

"Avast ye, landlubbers!"

Steven is  wearing old-timey pilots glasses.... sort of a Red Baron on the junk.

Salty as a sailor!

AMERICAN IDOL 11: PITTSBURGH AUDITIONS

AKA: PLANKS OF STEEL!

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are waving our terrible towels!! After all, what better way to enjoy the Pittsburgh auditions on American Idol Season 11? Are yinz guys ready? Den, let's go! For DIS is American Idol.

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