AMERICAN IDOL 10: TOP 12: YEAR OF YOUR BIRTH WEEK

AKA: SMELLS LIKE TEEN WEREWOLF 

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are having a slumber party! After all, what better way to celebrate Songs From the Year of Your Birth week on American Idol? As we've already broken into the liquor cabinet, placed each other's bras in the freezer, and played a rowdy game of Truth or Dare (Kristen has a crush on the labradoodle down the street! HA!), we have decided we will spend the next few hours watching the Idol youngsters bastardize  sing songs that are near and dear to our hearts.

Kristen and I fix ourselves another of our special sodas....

and a batch of popcorn, and settle in just as the cutest boy walks onto the stage! *squeal!!!* Oh, wait. It's just Ryan.

Ryan tells us this is American Idol and explains that  the Top 12 each chose a popular song from the year in which they were born. Which means they will be singing some of the worst music known to man - songs from the 80's and 90's.)

American Idol 10: Top 13: PERSONAL IDOLS WEEK

AKA: BABY WE'RE AMAZED AT THE PLETHORA OF PASSION

TOP 13

SING THEIR IDOLS

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are looking through our well-preserved scrap books,  gazing at the cover photos progressing from Tiger Beat to Rolling Stone, from Dog World to Modern Dog. After all, what better way to spend an afternoon during "Personal Idols Week" on American Idol than reminiscing over our own fan girl days? I remark that Donny Osmond is still the same wholesome, good-looking fellow he was back in the days of my puppy love. And how about that David Cassidy? John Travolta? Eddie Van Halen? Bruce Springsteen? Fortunately, Kristen and I no longer engage in silly crushes and adoration of the stars. We're beyond it. Right Kristen?

Ryan tells us THIS is American Idol, and Kristen and I have no choice but to believe him.  The judges come out at the command of the big, scary voice from off-stage, all arm-in-arm and huddled together. Ryan congratulates JLo on the fact that the single she performed on the show last week went to number one on iTunes. (Which is not the same as having a number one single. Kristen and I just felt we should point that out.)

The Idols enter the stage, and Ryan delivers some information to the unsuspecting viewing audience.  Beginning this week, the kids are working with Jimmy Iovine, producer and chairman of Interscope records. Jimmy will bring in his own stable of producers to ensure that every song the Idols sing is a hit! Except, they were already hits. That's why the Idols are singing them. 

On with the show!

AMERICAN IDOL 10: TOP 12 GIRLS

AKA: IF YA HEAR ANY NOISE, IT AIN'T THE BOYS. IT'S LADIES NIGHT, UH-HUH!

Kristen the Yellow Lab and I are having two for one! After all, it's Ladies Night on American Idol. What better way to celebrate than in our best finery, quaffing a cocktail or two as we listen to lounge singers  fabulous female vocalists perform for a spot in the Top 12?

(We get the Steven Tyler seal of approval.)

Ryan tells us that THIS is American Idol, and the theme song, which sounds even more hyperactive this season, twangs into gear.  Then, a voice, which bears a frightening resemblance to God in the DeMille classic "The Ten Commandments," demands that we give it up for our judges.  The three take the walk of awkwardness to their chairs.

 Jennifer glows and glistens and calls the girls special.  Randy implies we need to take this voting business very seriously, America.  After all, we are building the American Idol Top 12! Steven mumbles something about it being a full moon. Or maybe he wanted to give the audience a full moon. Kristen and I can't be too sure.

At any rate, we've got a deadline to meet, so it's time to meet the ladies!

AMERICAN IDOL 10: TOP 12 BOYS

AKA: A CHAIR IS STILL A CHAIR, EVEN WHEN SIMON'S NOT SITTING THERE

KRISTEN'S BAAAACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN!

She has returned to the land of AI blogging after a much-needed incubation period! (Some use rehab. Some use the Sober Valley Lodge. Kristen prefers the more hard-boiled approach.) 


First, Kristen has some news. She'll be blunt. Simon is no longer with us.

Fortunately, Kristen will always have this momento of her time with Simon. Until we meet again, you saucy Brit! (Or until XFactor starts in the fall.)

Never fear, though. All is not lost.  Doing his civic duty and holding up the fort by returning to the show? Our hero.... the TRUE American Idol ...Ryan.

And this season's judges:

Randy (I played with Journey) Jackson!

Steven (Charlie Sheen was not available) Tyler 

And Jennifer Lopez-Noa-Judd-Anthony!! aka JLoNoJAn! JLo for short.  (BTW, Kristen From the Block thinks JLo's Louboutins are TO DIE for! She'd love to chew a pair or two.)

It's a busy night, so on with the festivities.